I had a near death experience Friday. It wasn't me who nearly died, well actually... I could have died. As close as it was to resulting in the end of me, it was even closer to exacting genocide upon my posterity.
I'm at work on the golf course. Dale, Lucas, and I are standing in the triangle formation, deliberating about the best beautification process and methods for the creek we're standing next to. Suddenly, and I do mean suddenly when I use that word, something strikes me, coming across the upper thigh/crotchal region. Dr. Dre says "The track hits your eardrum like a slug to your chest"... well the golf ball hit my money area just like that. I "happened" to be holding my cowhide work gloves in the perfect protective position. I'd say I heard a voice tell me to do so, but I'm sure if I'd been listening to that type of voice it would have just told me to watch out for the idiot with no control over his driver 40 yards away.
Dale instinctively made the comparison to John Taylor being shot and surviving in Carthage Jail. I found the analogy a bit overkill, but that was the first thing he thought of. Plus, he was pretty shaken up. More shaken up than I was even. I guess it was within inches of nailing him. Three feet higher and it could have been the back of his head, my eyeball, or my mouth.
The result is a broken cell phone (it was located just perfectly on the inside of my pocket), a six inch welt on my leg, and a new appreciation for reproductive capabilities. I like hamburgers, love milk, and appreciate how leather gloves discourage the development of blisters, but I never really thought of cows as protectors of my posterity. My paradigm has shifted.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Misery. Regret. Misfortune.
As Ja Rule once said: "Gather 'round. I got a story to tell."
Wednesday morning (June 16th) I get word from my friend/roommate/coworker, Dale, that I will be running the Wasatch Back on Friday (June 18th). Great, right? This is something every runner would absolutely love to do, right? Right. Every runner would love to do this. The problem for me is that I am not a runner. Since the Vegas Ragnar in October I have been the opposite of a runner. I hate running.
So yeah, no training whatsoever, Dale and I both agree to this torturous event that makes me honestly wonder about the sanity of our species. The scary part is that these lunatics that choose (we were forced) to participate in this thing can reproduce.
LEG 1: 5.6 MILES from Hyrum to Paradise
I ran it in 43 minutes, which averages to 7.6 minutes per mile, passed ten people, and got passed by five. Because my knee felt ok for this run, I was able to run hard and cause myself to dry heave six times with an actual barf between the third and fourth heaves. The coolest was that my final three dry heaves came when I was coming up on the finish with over a hundred people standing there watching. I bet I looked awesome.
LEG 2: 4.9 MILES through the rural community of Enterprise in the Morgan Valley
I discovered on the first leg that when I was thinking too much about how much I hated running, I could look around and admire the beauty of the landscape and my pace would pick up. This run was SO beautiful. Too bad I couldn't enjoy a second of it. If you've ever had I.T. band problems, you'll understand. My knee was being such a jerk to me that I felt like quitting on this run after about a quarter mile. Luckily, Emy, a friend from my old ward came up to pass me and, although she was running faster than I wanted to at this painstaking point, I figured this was the only way I could finish. I ran along the side of her. She pulled me through til the last mile of the run, where I had to let her go ahead while I stretched my hip and knee quick. As I passed the "One Mile Left" sign by myself, some tall guy passed me.
"Good work", I say.
"Go, baby, let's GO! Finish this strong, baby!", he responds.
My pace picked up for about 500 feet. He helped me. Then, as I came up on the last half mile, I noticed the lady I was about to pass was limping the same way I was. I slowed down just a little and ran with her, figuring I should pay forward the help Emy had given me. We bonded over the I.T. band problem we had in common and finished the leg together. I felt like I had exhausted all of my mental strength just to finish this leg. I honestly had no clue how I was going to run the next one.
LEG 3: 7.9 MILES along Jordanelle Reservoir, 730' elevation gain, 616' elevation loss
I am a pansy. Of this 7.9 mile stretch, I only actually did six miles of it, almost two of those miles, I had to power-walk. A couple of my team members filled in and ran stretches of it for me. I utilized my previous strategy of latching on to another runner and going at their pace for a good part of this leg. It helped. I was able to do the last mile of the run and cross that exchange point on my own power. It was a small miracle that I did that much, but I still feel like a weakling idiot for letting someone else run part of my leg.
This may have been the worst decision of my life, but I got a sweet medal out of it.
Wednesday morning (June 16th) I get word from my friend/roommate/coworker, Dale, that I will be running the Wasatch Back on Friday (June 18th). Great, right? This is something every runner would absolutely love to do, right? Right. Every runner would love to do this. The problem for me is that I am not a runner. Since the Vegas Ragnar in October I have been the opposite of a runner. I hate running.
So yeah, no training whatsoever, Dale and I both agree to this torturous event that makes me honestly wonder about the sanity of our species. The scary part is that these lunatics that choose (we were forced) to participate in this thing can reproduce.
LEG 1: 5.6 MILES from Hyrum to Paradise
I ran it in 43 minutes, which averages to 7.6 minutes per mile, passed ten people, and got passed by five. Because my knee felt ok for this run, I was able to run hard and cause myself to dry heave six times with an actual barf between the third and fourth heaves. The coolest was that my final three dry heaves came when I was coming up on the finish with over a hundred people standing there watching. I bet I looked awesome.
Mid-dry-heave at the finish of the 1st leg
Me, Marianne, and Angela as I was searching for some shade to recover.
LEG 2: 4.9 MILES through the rural community of Enterprise in the Morgan Valley
I discovered on the first leg that when I was thinking too much about how much I hated running, I could look around and admire the beauty of the landscape and my pace would pick up. This run was SO beautiful. Too bad I couldn't enjoy a second of it. If you've ever had I.T. band problems, you'll understand. My knee was being such a jerk to me that I felt like quitting on this run after about a quarter mile. Luckily, Emy, a friend from my old ward came up to pass me and, although she was running faster than I wanted to at this painstaking point, I figured this was the only way I could finish. I ran along the side of her. She pulled me through til the last mile of the run, where I had to let her go ahead while I stretched my hip and knee quick. As I passed the "One Mile Left" sign by myself, some tall guy passed me.
"Good work", I say.
"Go, baby, let's GO! Finish this strong, baby!", he responds.
My pace picked up for about 500 feet. He helped me. Then, as I came up on the last half mile, I noticed the lady I was about to pass was limping the same way I was. I slowed down just a little and ran with her, figuring I should pay forward the help Emy had given me. We bonded over the I.T. band problem we had in common and finished the leg together. I felt like I had exhausted all of my mental strength just to finish this leg. I honestly had no clue how I was going to run the next one.
LEG 3: 7.9 MILES along Jordanelle Reservoir, 730' elevation gain, 616' elevation loss
I am a pansy. Of this 7.9 mile stretch, I only actually did six miles of it, almost two of those miles, I had to power-walk. A couple of my team members filled in and ran stretches of it for me. I utilized my previous strategy of latching on to another runner and going at their pace for a good part of this leg. It helped. I was able to do the last mile of the run and cross that exchange point on my own power. It was a small miracle that I did that much, but I still feel like a weakling idiot for letting someone else run part of my leg.
This may have been the worst decision of my life, but I got a sweet medal out of it.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Just Different
Living in a new place is weird. I knew a lot of people in Logan. Check out this song. I like it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCIfpZp7YcA
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Crimson Trail
Saturday morning, some friends (Brendon, Zach, and Sammy) and I went up Logan Canyon for a hike. The weather was nice enough in the valley that we almost didn't bring jackets. Along the hike, it rained, snowed, hailed (really little hail), and fogged. It was amazing. This hike would have been cool on any day, but the conditions made it one of the more memorable hikes I've been on. I'm going to miss Logan... the place and the people.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Nice?
I had a realization today. Once in a while a girl will tell me something to the effect of "You're like the nicest guy I've ever met". Well, awesome. The realization I had is that 80% (give or take 20%) of those girls are the ones that end up being "like, really inconsiderate". Next girl that tells me I'm a nice guy gets the boot, no questions asked.
Monday, April 12, 2010
I Cried Yesterday
I watched Saving Private Ryan yesterday and it made tears come out of my face. I'm grateful for the sacrifices that soldiers have made and continue to make for us. It makes me want to live a better life.
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